Got Self-Esteem?
Throughout my work with individuals, couples and families, I have noticed a common theme or underlying issue with many of their presenting problems...self-esteem, or the lack thereof I should say. Have you ever stopped to think about just how powerful having self-esteem is? I have learned that self-esteem affects everything about us, and a lack of it can keep us from being successful in our lives. Many times when we think of self-esteem, we think of a person that either feels good about their self, or doesn't. However, taking a deeper look at it, what does it mean to feel good about ones' self, and how can we tell when if they are lacking in this area? As I began to really think about self-esteem and these questions, I began to realize the root cause of many of the issues my client's were facing. Some reported to have sever anger issues or rage. Some reported to daily abuse alcohol just to be able to loosen up and hang out with friends, or go on a date. Some reported to have obsessive compulsive behaviors and high levels of anxiety. Another becomes very anxious around people and chooses to remain hidden in crowds. What do all of these people have in common? You guessed it...low self-esteem. So you might ask me how in the world can you say that it has to be low self-esteem for all of these people? Well, if you really look at the reason for their behaviors, much of what they are dealing with is a lack of self-acceptance, meaning they do not feel good about who they are and this is how it appears in their lives.
One thing I have learned about self-esteem is that it permeates throughout just about every area of our lives. Think about the different areas of your life and how successful you have been. What do you owe it to? Some of you may say, "Oh a higher power," and I would say that is absolutely wonderful. However, my next question to you would be, "Did this higher power get you out of the bed and literally make you what you are today? I really hope you said no, because we both know that we have to make that decision ourselves, right?
So, thinking about it, how did you arrive where you are today? Do you feel good about where you are? If you do, why? If you do not, I ask, "Why?" What can you say about your own self-esteem and how it has affected you? So many people pass up so many wonderful opportunities everyday due to the fact that they believe that they just can't do it, even though they amaze others constantly with their abilities. Relationships are ruined because the man or the woman has trust issues, even though their significant other hasn't given them a reason not to trust them. Relationships have literally crumbled because at least one of the individuals involved doesn't feel worthy of being in a good, healthy situation with another person.
This may not make sense to you now, but I hope that it will later. When our self-esteem is low, we live a life of constant self-rejection. This means that we do not accept who we are, even if others do. Have you ever met a person who is just so beautiful or handsome, but after being around them, you realize that they are in and out of abusive relationships, abuse drugs or alcohol, or constantly berate their self? Unfortunately, I know of some right off-hand. These people have such low self-esteem that it doesn't matter what positive attributes others see in them because they absolutely cannot stand to look at their self in the mirror.
I could go on and on about this topic, but I think I will save it for the next series of posts. If you are interested in reading more about this and would like to start a serious discussion, come hang out with me here and let's critically think about this topic. More to come soon!
One thing I have learned about self-esteem is that it permeates throughout just about every area of our lives. Think about the different areas of your life and how successful you have been. What do you owe it to? Some of you may say, "Oh a higher power," and I would say that is absolutely wonderful. However, my next question to you would be, "Did this higher power get you out of the bed and literally make you what you are today? I really hope you said no, because we both know that we have to make that decision ourselves, right?
So, thinking about it, how did you arrive where you are today? Do you feel good about where you are? If you do, why? If you do not, I ask, "Why?" What can you say about your own self-esteem and how it has affected you? So many people pass up so many wonderful opportunities everyday due to the fact that they believe that they just can't do it, even though they amaze others constantly with their abilities. Relationships are ruined because the man or the woman has trust issues, even though their significant other hasn't given them a reason not to trust them. Relationships have literally crumbled because at least one of the individuals involved doesn't feel worthy of being in a good, healthy situation with another person.
This may not make sense to you now, but I hope that it will later. When our self-esteem is low, we live a life of constant self-rejection. This means that we do not accept who we are, even if others do. Have you ever met a person who is just so beautiful or handsome, but after being around them, you realize that they are in and out of abusive relationships, abuse drugs or alcohol, or constantly berate their self? Unfortunately, I know of some right off-hand. These people have such low self-esteem that it doesn't matter what positive attributes others see in them because they absolutely cannot stand to look at their self in the mirror.
I could go on and on about this topic, but I think I will save it for the next series of posts. If you are interested in reading more about this and would like to start a serious discussion, come hang out with me here and let's critically think about this topic. More to come soon!
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