Got Self-Esteem? Part III

So I would like to tackle the topic of anger and rage as it pertains to self-esteem.  You're probably thinking, "What in the world does anger and rage have to do with self-esteem?  Well, I would like to say that it's very simple...having something to prove.  Have you ever met someone that you figuratively have to walk on egg shells around?  This person is like a ticking time bomb, and you know that if you say, or do something they don't agree with, then you literally have to suffer their wrath.  I'll give you a moment...I've already thought of a few people unfortunately.  I'll break it down even further, some of these individuals are so easily triggered that if you just disagree with them on any random subject, they can go from calmly debating to exploding on you in rage.

If you really think about it, what would be the reason why someone would behave in this manner? Well, the answer from my perspective is that they feel like they have something to prove to the world.  In other words, by being wrong about anything, they then must face their own ego and confront the fact that this makes them look stupid, ignorant, or inadequate.  It is highly likely that others do not feel this way about them, however, in their own eyes, their lack of self-esteem, or belief in who they are and their own abilities, tells them that this is 100% exactly what others see.  Therefore, instead of being wrong, they become defensive and will fight almost literally, to make sure that they are not perceived this way.

If you knew the histories of these individuals, and some of them you may, you would probably gain a better understanding of how they developed a low self-esteem and why it manifests this way.  Being bullied and picked on as a young person is a very large reason why some of these individuals develop low self-esteem and respond with anger and rage as they become adults.  Due to feeling inadequate as a young person  based on what others told them, they now constantly guard their self from attacks as an adult, and the best way to do this is to defend, defend, defend! This individual could be entirely wrong about what they are defending, however, in order to save their ego and not feel the pain of that inadequacy, they will continue to defend to the point of anger and rage.  This for them, will ensure that they come through the ordeal as the stronger individual, even though, if you really analyze this logic, this actually shows their weak area all the more. We typically call these people "Know it alls."

With a balanced and healthy self-esteem, we do not live our lives believing that we have to prove anything to anyone regarding who we are.  Healthy and balanced self-esteem says that it is quite alright to be wrong about anything at anytime because we are all human right?  It's also not demeaning to make mistakes.  By making mistakes, I mean any ol' mistake that others may highlight, laugh at, or make known.  A healthy self-esteem can look at a mistake, laugh at it, apologize if necessary, and say "hey, I know not to do that again," or be so okay with saying to others, "you know, I could be wrong."  By doing this, you are accepting yourself for who you are, flaws and all.

Individuals who continue to have unchecked anger and rage because of low self-esteem can find themselves in dangerous situations.  Road rage is one behavior that stems from low self-esteem due to the person having an over-compelling need to prove their self to the other individual involved. Once again, there is the need to not feel as if someone has got the best of them.  We have all heard at some point or another what can happen to "hotheads."  Many have gone too far at some point and have caused their own demise in different forms.  These situations can be losing a great relationship, job, money, or even their life depending on the situation and what occurred.  Once again we can see the powerful impact of having low self-esteem.    

This series of Got Self-Esteem? Has been dedicated to discussing the symptoms of having low self-esteem and how it powerfully affects our lives on a daily basis.  I encourage you to provide your feedback regarding your own experiences, as well as any questions you may have.  Please provide more symptoms if you can think of any.  I would love to discuss this topic more in the form of dialogue as we move forward together.

How has self-esteem impacted your life for better or for worse?  What did you have to overcome? How did you overcome?  How has a healthy self-esteem positively impacted your life?  My next and last post in this series will discuss what a healthy and balanced self-esteem looks like and why we should all strive for it.      

For more information regarding this topic take a look at https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/self-esteem